Now first off, I'm not here to get into the debate about whether or not violent video games (hereafter referred to as 'games,' because I am under strict 'V' rationing,) will turn your kids into mass murderers or not. I tend to find that that discussion is comprised primarily of histrionic motherfigures (feel free to say that fast out loud,) who feel that the job they did of instilling values in their children is not enough to prevent their children from trying to live out what they see in Grand Theft Auto, and NRA activists desperate to change the subject after a gun-related tragedy. The other side seems mostly to be made up of people who roll their eyes a lot and just go on with their daily lives
No, chances are, you've already made up your mind on this subject and I'm not about to try and convince you otherwise. So if you are someone who feels that children should be sheltered from any pixelated violence worse than fat plumbers jumping on winged tortoises, please stop reading this now.
Okay, that's got rid of them. Now that they've left, we can discuss things rationally. To begin with, OMG, aren't those guys the worst? Always judging you and calling you a bad parent? I hate that.
Sorry, that's not very professional. Seriously though, we do need to talk about how we are going to incorporate the more graphic games (by which I mean games that explicitly show gore and violence, not 'graphic' like frame rates and junk, there are other blogs for that,) into our lives while taking our children into consideration.
Look, I know you want to be a good parent, and you are caught between the constant messages you receive that your children need to be sheltered from all harshness like a delicate bunny, and your inherent belief that your kid can handle fantasy, just like you could at their age. There has to be a middle path between sealing your kid in bubble wrap and posting guards at the air holes, and going completely lassaiz-faire and let them watch, listen, play and eat anything they want (which I strenuously do not advise.)
So how about if we break it down into a few basic tenets of playing games with your kids. Here are some general guidelines that I feel can help you raise a mentally healthy, normal kid who can enjoy racking up frags and cheevos, but still knows the difference between right and wrong, as well as this world and the digital realm.
1. YOU are the role model.
This one applies to all games, and is the hardest one, and if you cannot do this one, you should either get rid of the games or your kids. Just make sure they go to good home like a responsible friend, Gamestop, or an orphanage (any of those will work.)
If you cannot give up video games (or pretty much anything except oxygen,) for your kids if necessary, then bad news: you are a bad parent. Sorry to have to be the one to tell you.
But it is very unlikely you will have to do so, so relax. But you will have to change some habits. First of all, the biggest danger video games present to your kids isn't that they'll become someone who goes out and commits violence crimes against the public, but that they'll become the kind of person who doesn't go out at all, and instead stays inside and commits violence against his own cardiovascular system with inactivity and Doritos.
Now if you are one of those pasty, troglodytic creatures who shun fresh air and (shudder) sunshine, preferring instead to live in the far more logical clime of an air-conditioned home and only risk exposure to nature when passing from building to vehicle and back again, first off; welcome brother, you are amongst friends. But secondly, that shit has to change. You have to risk the burning glare of the great yellow eye above on occasion in order to give your kids the same chances of playing outside that you probably had.
If your kids see you spending hours and hours locked in front of a glowing screen, they are going to assume that is perfectly normal behavior. Trust me, they will get that message from kids at school, so you need to work extra hard to counter that influence.
Likewise, if you scream hateful, racial epithets at the 13-year-old rocket whore in Indonesia who has been spawn camping you for the last 45 minutes, that too will seem like acceptable behavior in society. Plenty of polite, well-bred people forget all the social niceties and human decencies when playing online (or watching sports, but that's for someone else to blog about.)
You need to limit your gaming so that your kids will learn that it is acceptable and expected for them to limit their own. Otherwise you are doing the equivalent of taking the Camel Filterless out of your mouth and rasping "don't smoke, kids."
2. TALK to your kids.
You can do this while you are gaming (it's why God created the pause button,) and explain, very clearly the difference between fantasy and reality. For my wife and I, this talk came when our daughter Grace was two or so. We were playing Oblivion (because we are always at least five years behind the curve,) and we were fighting wolves. Rats, mudcrabs and goblins were fine, as they are all cartoony enough to not raise any alarms (plus that starting dungeon is very poorly lit, right?) But once outside in the beautiful sunshine, with all those atmospheric effects like flowers blowing in the breeze, we started to encounter wolves, and they look like dogs.
The game has a first-person view, and when you swing your sword, the animation is realistic, including blood on your blade and on the ground. This was an issue, and Grace asked what all that red stuff on the sword was. We did not stop playing, we just had a conversation about imagination and when it is right to use violence and when it is not. We asked her "do you think we would ever hurt a dog?" and she immediately responded no, and when asked if she would ever want to do that, she likewise vehemently denied any desires thereto. We explained that these were not only bad wolves, and we were only defending ourselves against their unprovoked attack, but that they were not real, and were created by the computer, made out of pixels of light. No one ever gets hurt in a video game, it was merely imaginary.
We also used this as an opportunity to discuss wolves in real life, and how they almost never attack people. We talked about how people have been afraid of them for years, and that they told stories and legends of attacking wolves, so she understood that these wolves were akin to the Hydra, her favorite mythical beast.
When you play a game where you kill people or animals (animals are always more disturbing,) it is important you let your kids know that you are not doing so because you think killing is cool, but just that the game wants to challenge you with enemies to fight. It is a fantasy about what could have happened in a story, and that THE CHARACTER IS NOT YOU.
This is the biggest thing that a kid needs to understand. You are merely steering Altair, or Dante, or even Mario. These characters are trying to get through their story, and you are helping them. If you think it is stressful to see Mommy's surrogate self snipe balaclava-wearing guards during an infiltration mission, wait until Mommy falls from a guard tower to the courtyard below. The child doesn't see your frustration with having to play the whole damn level over again (fucking Syphon Filter,) he or she sees MOMMY falling. And that can be scary.
Let them see that it is not you, you are fine, and it just means going back to start over again, just like pulling that fucking Peppermint Forest card during the last stretch in Candyland. And we would never curse or get upset when that happened, would we?
You are a powerful influence on your kids' understanding of reality. Show them that everything in the game is imaginary, and the scary parts (including the violence YOU cause as your character,) are there to make the game challenging.
3. Know the limits.
Now, the previous two points are not meant to imply that your kids are immune to the violent, sexual, or frightening images in a game. There are certainly movies you would not let your kids watch, and that needs to hold true for games as well.
Now this needs to be largely your judgment, because YOU are the parent (uh, you've discussed this with your spouse though, right? Because you REALLY need to do that and get on the same page on this.) If you (and the aforementioned spouse,) feel your kid can handle watching John Wayne gun down bad guys in the Searchers, that is your call. Likewise, if you feel they can handle watching Solid Snake take out mercs on Metal Gear Solid, so be it.
But surely you wouldn't show them Reservoir Dogs? Likewise, there are games that you simply should NOT play when your kids are around. If that means that you get less play time, then tough. That's what being a parent means.
And remember to consider ALL the content of a game. We hear a lot about violence in games, but what about sexuality? God of War's (ahem,) mini-games might not be something you want to expose your young child to, and if you haven't played a game yet, you don't necessarily know that one is approaching.
But worse than sex is fear. You may think you're a big tough guy/non-guy and won't get scared by Dead Space (you aren't though, it'll getcha!) But your four year old isn't. A mild scare to you can be the next month's worth of nightmares. If you really want to play Slender, or the latest Silent Hill or Resident Evil game, don't do it during the day when your kids are around. Wait to do it an night, in the dark, alone. Like a real man/non-man.
And don't forget language. I played Grand Theft Auto 4 with my daughter for a while and it was fine (see below for why,) except for the random people on the street. As you walk or drive through neighborhoods, the 'realistic dialogue' of the passersby is a bit more realistic than I might want. I ended up turning the sound off, and eventually switched games when she was around.
4. Don't forget that YOU control the gaming experience.
First a disclaimer: sometimes you don't. If this is a game you've never played before, surprises could be unpleasant when kids are around. Explore uncharted territory without kids present.
However, most of the time, we can control how the game goes. Many games give you choices of 'good' or 'evil' options. If your kids are going to watch, why not make good choices and let them see the impact that has on the narrative. Remember to discuss these choices with them, and put them in a context of real world morality.
Other than that, many games let you wander around and perform quests on your own timetable. So when your kids are around, maybe you could hold off on visiting the pain garden of Lord Torturetron to fetch the pelt of a Dickwolf for The Evil One. Instead, visit the town and take care of all that inventory management until they're in bed.
When my wife was playing Oblivion, Grace thought the game was about picking flowers (which it kind of is at times,) because that is what Mommy did when Grace was watching (a good way to raise your alchemy skill btw.) Grace would even help her spot flowers and plants along the way. Likewise, Grace referred to Assassin's Creed as 'the flag game,' because Mommy held off on assassination missions while Grace was present, and instead searched rooftops for hidden flags (yay cheevos!) When I played GTA 4, Grace thought it was a driving simulator. I even obeyed traffic lights (good role model, remember? I'm not scared she'll join the Russian mob, but I won't have a bad driver in my house.)
In conclusion, there are many things you can do to responsibly integrate your hobby with your children. Some other time maybe we'll talk about when it's time for them to start playing their own games, but that's a whole other sticky wicket.
You may not believe that iolent ideo games (shit, I told you I had to ration my ' 's,) will turn your kid into a psychopath, but surely it wouldn't hurt to take an active hand in that.
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