Good As New

I recently accepted some used underwear for my son.

Actually, only one pair had ever been worn, the rest were still in the package.  A colleague of mine, with a son a few years older than my own had purchased them, but they turned out to be a poor fit for him.  She brought them in and asked if I would be interested in them.

She repeatedly stressed that most of them had not been worn, and that the one that had been was only worn once, and had been laundered.  She even added that if I didn't want to keep the used one, but only  use the ones still in the package, and that would be fine.

Now, I had no qualms about used underwear at all.  My wife and I subsist on hand-me-downs, and have rarely actually purchased clothes for our children, and then only when absolutely necessary.  But my colleague's clear desire to not offend my sensibilities regarding hand-me-down undergarments made me wonder "should I have qualms?"

I'm still not sure.

I guess some people would be squeamish about such things as wearing used (laundered) underwear, and I am not one to say anything against it.  For example, I have people over all the time and I love to cook for them, but I also serve leftovers when it is convenient to do so.  But I absolutely detest the idea of eating leftovers at someone else's house.

I can't for the life of me figure out why. If a friend offers to have me over for some of their world famous lasagna, I would be delighted.  But if you asked me over the next night for leftovers of the same, I would be turned off by the idea.  Even though everyone knows that lasagna is always better the second night.  It's like temporal locality is the most important seasoning, which is complete crap.

Everyone knows cheap is the best seasoning.

But it got me thinking about what is and is not considered appropriate to accept second hand.  I realize that everyone is different in this, but where is the middle of the bell curve?  What is considered 'normal' on this matter?

Now some ground rules: this only pertains to things that are in good, working order, clean, and without any aesthetically displeasing flaws or blemishes.  We are talking about things that people would only reasonably turn down an offer of for reasons of personal taste and squeamishness.  If you have a problem with the following, you got problems.

Here some things that I feel most people would have no problems accepting:

• Tools- if you are the kind of person who wants or need tools, you are almost certainly the type of person who will accept a donation of used tools.  Basic hand tools like hammers and screwdrivers are extremely durable, so few would have a problem reusing them, while fancier electric devices are often specialized, and many people would prefer to borrow or inherit such a device rather than buy a new one.
• Kid's clothes- there is a thriving industry out there involved facilitating the flow of hand-me-down kid clothes, providing structure to the "Great River of Commerce" as the Ferengi call it.  Sites like ThredUp and Flipsize connect people with others who have clothes, and use a credit system to help match people with what they want.  Let's face it, the term 'hand-me-down' comes from repurposed kid's clothes, but some people are apparently still creeped out by underwear. Weird.
• Appliances- this one is unusual in that even though we are talking about things that touch your food, people rarely have a problem with reusing a blender or waffle iron or a juicealator.  Pans and dishware are a subset of this.  Hell, passing down the plates we eat off of is an ancient tradition, and you would think that is the grossest of all ("these are the plates my great-great-grandmother ate off of!  She died of dysentery in 1895!") but we consider them cherished heirlooms.  Go fig.

And here are a few things that I feel most of us agree should NOT be passed on:

• Undergarments (for adults)- This one is a biggie.  A lot of us would be okay with our kids wearing secondhand underwear, but would be simply aghast at the idea of wearing another person's skivvies.  The thing is, if our toddler craps in his pants, we will throw them (the pants, not the kid,)  in the washing machine and rest assured that the magic cleaning box will purify them and make them once again safe to put back on our most cherished treasures.  But even if you are fully certain that your friend has never soiled the pair of 'like-new' boxers he offers to you, you will turn your nose up at another person's fine crotchwear.  I can only assume it's the same way for women and lingerie, but if any of you would like to describe those experiences, there are several forums on the internet that would be delighted to share in that discussion.
• Shoes (for adults)- Again, most of us love to repurpose shoes for our kids, especially given how quickly they grow out of them, but can't accept the idea of wearing them ourselves.  Part of this might be a fashion thing (I really can't speak to that, I gave up on fashion when Grunge went away, and I went back to just looking like a hobo,) but I think a big reason is that we expect shoes to grow with us, molding themselves to our feet.  Think about how they look when you are done with them (if you wear them hard like I do,) and how they have been deformed with love.  Wearing someone else's shoes feels like infidelity.
• Personal care products- If someone gave you half a bottle of wine that they did not finish, most people (well, drinky people,) would think nothing of enjoying it, but if someone is no longer using half a tube of toothpaste, we tend to remember that we have somewhere else to be.  And plenty of folks would gag at the though of sharing deodorant with another person.  And even those of you who think nothing of swapping epithelials with a locker buddy would still probably draw the line at that most inviolable of private implements, the toothbrush.  It is a sacred rule that you never, EVER use another person's toothbrush.  Even if you were to wash one, sanitize it in boiling water, dose it with enough gamma radiation to turn it into a superhero, you still never use another person's toothbrush.  Even if it is a person with whom you have shared saliva, and whose buccal cavity you have extensively probed with your own tongue, the idea of putting their (washed) toothbrush onto your own teeth remains abhorrent.

So that all makes some kind of sense, but then there are things that fall somewhere in the middle.  Items that many people resist the idea of accepting secondhand, but for just weird and contradictory reasons.  These odd exceptions include:

• Personal electronics- Okay, now many of us would be willing to accept the gift of a used MP3 player, smartphone, or handheld gaming device, and many of us have.  But for many people, it's not good enough.  Remember that one of the main reasons people purchase such items is for the prestige and cache that go with owning such a device.  They are not merely diversions or useful items, they are status symbols; expressions of our conspicuous consumption-driven society.  Having one is nice, but for a lot of us, that just makes us want to go out and get our own, newer one.  You know, one that would actually count.  Not everyone falls prey to this phenomenon, and many of you are saying, "hell, if someone wanted to give me their older iPad, I'd be thrilled!"  And that is probably true if you don't have one now.  But once you got one, and entered that world, how long would it be before you felt the need for a better one, when you might never have felt the need for one at all if you never got one?
• Medications or medical equipment- When something has a medical use, that automatically gets a red flag in the creepy column.  There's a reason so many horror movies feature medical equipment lying on dirty trays; that's a powerful image that plays on the natural fears we all have of medical practitioners (be on the lookout for "Dr. Badfeet" the horror screenplay I am writing about a crazed podiatrist armed with a bunion scraper.)  So when it comes to medical supplies at home, there's a little skeeviness attached to using someone else's knee brace or other relatively innocuous bit of equipment.  And then there's medicine; the official story is that you are never supposed to use another person's medicine, and many people (such as my wife,) adhere religiously to that idea.  But if someone is in pain, and you have some leftover oxycontin lying around from your knee surgery, help a brother out, yo.  I mean, it's not like you were going to sell your leftovers to that creepy guy who hangs out behind the Steak & Shake, right?  I mean, not after last time...
• Human body parts- Now as a proud recipient of a kidney transplant (thanks again, Barry!) I am all for the free exchange of body parts and fluids.  But there are some things that most of us just find icky to even contemplate.  Even if science proved that grinding them up and mixing it with juice could prevent baldness, not many people would want to receive a big baggie of toenail clippings.  No matter how clean the donor was, even if it was someone whose hands you were willing to put in your mouth (I don't judge,) as soon as the nails are removed from the hand they become the epitome of uncleanliness.  My wife and I once helped to clean out the storage locker of a crazy old lady.  One of the most horrific things we came across was several jars of human hair.  It was hideous, and immediately put us in mind of a horror movie.  But I have many students who brag about their weave, and how they don't use that 'ratchet plastic shit,' but instead have the creme de la follicles; human hair.  So to recap, in a jar, Texas Chainsaw Massacre.  From a catalogue, the pinnacle of nubian beauty products.

In the end, your views on second (or third or fourth,) hand goods is a matter of personal taste.  Some have too much pride to ever accept charity in the form of hand-me-downs, and others were raised by a father who routinely stopped his 1977 Dodge Aspen station wagon in the middle of intersections to rescue 17mm socket heads that had been deposited there by the flow of traffic

I'll let you figure out which one I am, considering in our entire house there are four pieces of furniture we purchased in a store.

Stay thrifty, my friends.