Okay, I really don't have time to post today, as I have far too much to do (mostly involving writing.) But something happened today that demands to be chronicled. Be advised, I will be discussing choices my wife and I make regarding parenting our children. It will no doubt directly contradict the views many of you have, and it may offend you to hear these choices. If you are the sort of person who becomes upset to hear that other people raise their children with views that do not match your own, I highly suggest you consider skipping this one. It may keep your rage meter down to a reasonable level.
You have been warned.
We don't get to go out that often these days for financial reasons, but whenever we get the opportunity, we like to indulge now and again. One of the best things about going out to eat as a family is being able to all sit at the same table and talk. Normally, I am busy cooking and serving, and my wife is helping with both kids, usually while also running around doing various chores, and we don't really get to enjoy mealtime.
But when we go out, we can all talk together and actually spend time as a family. So when we have a coupon, or a gift certificate (we've started to ask for them almost exclusively for Christmas presents, so we can go out with the kids,) we like to go out. And sometimes, we just feel the need to go out just because. With a month of soul-crushing standardized tests beginning tomorrow, we felt today would be a good day to go out for lunch (it's cheaper than dinner,) as part of our shopping trip.
We were having a great time, and as usual, my daughter was asking all kinds of questions about every subject, especially science. She was asking how aluminum is made, and I was explaining how metal is extracted from ore (like bauxite.) I explained that rocks were compounds, and they had to refine the ore to extract the elements that comprised it.
Then she asked where all the elements originally came from. Now we've discussed how all matter is recycled from elements that have existed forever. She has a great book called "You Are Older Than the Stars," which explains how matter is constantly broken down and reconstituted, broken down to elements and reformed into new compounds.
This is all old hat, and nothing new to her. But then she asked the big question: "How can I believe in the Big Bang and still believe that God made the universe?"
She turned five three days ago.
Now before we go any further, I need to: 1) remind you that this is not YOUR kid, it is ours, and 2) give you a little background on the situation and my personal views on this subject.
I was not raised especially religious. I consider myself a deeply spiritual person, and I absolutely have faith that there is a god (please note I did not say "I believe in God," that is not the same thing, and is a post for another day.)
My wife was raised Catholic, but is a scientist to her core. Neither of us has any trouble whatsoever in reconciling our spiritual views and our scientific views on the world, so this is not a difficult issue for the two of us.
However, when we went looking for preschool/daycare facilities, we found a school that we just love; with great staff, an impeccable reputation, and a rigorous curriculum that meant our children's time would not be wasted. It is also a Christian school, and they incorporate non-denominational Christian values and stories into their lessons.
This certainly did not turn us away, and indeed I feel that having a spiritual belief system in early life is a valuable thing. Later in life, our children will be free to pursue any religious path they wish, but we feel that being a part of a religious fellowship will help them develop. It may make me seem cynical, as if I am merely using the religion to help my children, but...actually I have nothing to gainsay that one. So be it.
In addition, the children spent this past weekend with their grandmother, who is religious, and who actively proselytizes about her faith to our children. So they had just come back from going to Catholic mass with Grandma right before this conversation, and who knows what conversations they might have had.
So this was, we felt, an important discussion, and our choices could have a lasting impact on our child. We make it a point not to dodge questions. If our little girl wants to know where babies come from, we will tell her. Now that means sperm + egg= zygote, and we leave out all the bomp-chicka-wah-wah, but she gets the straight answer nonetheless.
And she has no problem accepting scientific concepts. Remember, this is the girl who understood cohesion at two and a half years old, and continues to apply that knowledge in real life (and I mean, she understands that water is polar and forms hydrogen bonds, not just 'wet stuff sticks to other wet stuff.")
But here is a situation where science is directly contradicting religious dogma, dogma presented to her as literal truth by people whom she loves and respects. How we deal with this could set the tone for how she deals with such dichotomies in the future. We could always cave to social pressure and just say "The Bible is the correct version, all other explanations are nothing but lies straight from the Devil."
Or we could go towards the opposite extreme and say "There is no God, sweetie, that's just a pleasant fiction perpetuated by the small-minded, such as nearly everyone in your family, now eat your broccoli." Neither of these are acceptable answers, and if either sound good to you, you will not be invited to Sunday dinner.
So instead, what we told her, paraphrased for brevity, was this:
"Sweetie, there are things in the universe that are just too big for humans to understand. God is not a person like us, and so there's no real way for us to relate to him, or understand him. So we have to have a way to talk about him. The Bible is a book that people wrote to try and explain things that they did not truly understand. They talked about God, and about how the world was created, and where we all come from. They did this to try and create meaning and understanding of life."
"Many of those things we now understand through science. The Big Bang is one of those things. But we still don't understand God. Perhaps we never will, because we are just people."
This was followed with several rounds of 'what if?' questions, which we did our best to answer. She was upset that she could not talk to God and ask questions, and wished that she could be like Kang the Conqueror, the time-travelling villain from the Avengers cartoon ("but without being evil," she specified,) so that she could go back in time to the Big Bang to watch it happen and see if God really just "said some words and made it all happen." I cannot express how proud I was at that moment.
Finally my little girl asked, "why do I ask so many 'what if' questions?"
My response was: "Because God made us that way. What you are feeling is curiosity, and that is one of the greatest things about humans. We are designed to always ask 'what if?' That is how we learn things. And we owe a great debt to all the people who came before us, and asked those questions and found the answers. That's why we should never stop asking 'what if?'"
"But there are always some people who don't want others to ask 'what if?' They are afraid that the answers may contradict the ones they are already comfortable with, and so they try to stop others from asking those questions. Or else they go out of their way to try and disprove the new answers, even if it means keeping people away from the truth."
"That's why so many of those early questioners are heroes, because people made it difficult for them because they asked questions, but they asked them anyways. Heroes like Copernicus, Galileo, and Darwin; they dared to ask questions, and were willing to find the answers, even if it made people angry."
"We must always have faith in ourselves, and be willing to stand up for the truth, because it was God who made us curious, and seeking the truth can never make God angry."
And if I believe, if I have faith in one thing above all else, it is that. And if I can pass that on to my children, then the world will be that much better, and I can call myself a man with pride.
Then I told her to eat her broccoli.
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